Noy jitat!

Still no internet. I am text capable and also reachable via aim.

Hard to post via my phone, guys. Follow me @ facebook via my e-mail mottled.kitten at yahoo

Best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting.
Could it be that we have been this way before?
I know you don't think that I am trying,
I know you're wearing things down to the core

But hold your breath, because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you's impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start

Oh, but hold your breath, because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind,
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you's impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in deep
Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep
And hold on to your words, 'cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight when you're asleep...

I'm not going to go into detail, but I was definitely not snooping, I was just curious, and found that Crystal Groves has a FB!... but only like three members, lol. So I didn't comment/join on it. But they had a link! So I followed it and... a message board! Aaaahahaha. It was made of awesome and win so I joined, to read things, I probably will never post. >____>  And it has over 200 members! HOLY CRAP THAT IS HUGE.

...that is a lot of people.

*wipes a tear from her eye* Crystal Groves has grown up so much!

Hehehehe xD

So I'm eating an apple.

Then I got caught up in something I was reading on the computer and I forgot about the apple.

I remembered it suddenly when I saw the knife, and my first thought was

OH MY GOD I GOTTA EAT MY APPLE BEFORE IT MELTS

....


yeah.

In Heaven's name, why are you walking away?
Hang on to your love.
In Heaven's name, why do you play these games?
Hang on to your love.

Take time if you're down on luck,
It's so easy
to walk out on love
Take your time if the going gets tough
It's so precious

So if you want it to get stronger,
you better not let go
You gotta hold on longer
if you want your love to grow
Gotta stick together,
hand in glove
Hold tight, don't fight,
hang on to your love

Be brave when the journey is rough
It's not easy when you're in love
Don't be ashamed when the going gets tough
It's not easy
Don't give up

In my dream, I was pregnant with twin boys. I have a lot of pregnancy dreams, but this was really the first one where I've had twins (anyone who has heard me talk about having kids knows I want to have twin girls, so this was a loop). We (George and I) are at home, and it seems like I don't know I'm pregnant or it's like I don't know I'm in labor: either way, it all happens really fast, and I end up giving birth to the first boy. Complications ensue (I also have a terrible fear of dying in childbirth, though really I cannot think of a better way to die than while bringing new life to the world) and I won't go into detail, but George ends up having to cut me open to get the baby out. I think this was aided by hearing my Mom always talk about her C-section, that she couldn't see anything but she would always say they put organs on her chest (???). George cut open my belly and managed to pull out the second baby, who was smaller than his brother, but still alive and well. In the dream, the pain I felt at my belly was so acute that I still felt it when I woke up, and the dream felt so real that I actually laid there for awhile in bed touching where the scar would be, and listening for my baby boys nearby...

Anyway, just had to share that with you... because it really kinda... is weird.

from Nanuka

A
- Available: FOR WHAT?! I assume you mean for a relationship. In which case it's 'no'!
- Age: 24
- Annoyance: My boss @ Kroger.
- Animal: Phoenixes

B
- Birthday: 3.25
- Best feeling in the world: Afterglow.
- Blind or Deaf: Blind.
- Best weather: Today.
- Been in Love: Obviously.
- Been on stage: Yep. MUTANT KITTIES.
- Believe in Magic: OH, HO IT'S MAH DICK

C
- Candy: Cookies & Cream Hershey's... I just finished it
- Color: Definitely.
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Yes.
- Chinese/Mexican Food: Tacobelllllll
- Cake or pie: Cake.
- Continent to visit: Australia.
- Cheese: I love it but it doesn't love me...

D
- Day or Night: Dusk.
- Dancing in the rain: As long as it's a warm rain!

E
- Eyes: I has them.
- Everyone's got: free will.
- Ever failed a class: Yes, art.

F

- First thoughts waking up: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
- Favorite Food: Anything plz.

G
- Greatest Fear: Being homeless.
- Goals: Survive.

H
- Hair Color: Half black half dirty blonde.
- Height: 5'6" (WOW... you are so tall Nanuka)
- Happy: enough
- Holiday: I'd take one if I could afford it.
- How do you want to die: Happy.

I
- Ice Cream: ohgodyes
- Instrument: Piano & string instruments.

J
- Jewelry: "bottlecap" bracelets, occasionally wear my earrings, class ring & engagement ring
- Job: I has two

K
- Kids: little goats, naaaaaaa
- Kickboxing or karate: Kickboxing! I'd totally take it if I wasn't a fatass
- Keep a journal: Sporadically

L
- Love: is chemically induced.
- Letter: S
- Laughed so hard you cried: Recently! Wtf was it over... oh yeah! HAHAHA... I am not talking about that here.

M
- Milk flavor: n/a, can't drink milk
- Movies: YES PLZ. Horror wins probably.
- Motion sickness: Yeah, it's GAY.
- McD’s or BK: Burger King

N
- Number: 1229

O
- One wish: to be out of debt.

P
- Pepsi/Coke: Coke, but I love me some AMP lately.
- Perfect Pizza: Half cheese half pepperoni.
- Piercings: Just my ears, too squeamish for piercings, talk to be about tattoos.

Q
- Quail: ROFL QUAILMAN

R
- Reason to cry: Mah momma
- Reality T.V.: Iron Chef America
- Ring size: 5.25-7.5

S
- Song: "Last Firstborn" by CCCccccc uhhh... I can't remember their name right now LOL
- Shoe size: 9
- Salad Dressing: Ranch or a vinaigrette.
- Sushi: Nah, I don't really like seaweed.
- Shower: long and hot
- Strawberries/Blueberries: Fruit is GROZZZZZ

T
- Tattoos: I has three and I want MOAR
- Time for bed: 10pm-1am usually
- Thunderstorms: Are crazy in Richmond

U
- Unpredictable: cest la vie

V
- Vacation spot(s): OBX... I look forward to it

W
- Weakness: BACON
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: They all do to some degree, but nobody is like me really ;)
- Worst feeling: heartbreak
- Wanted to be a model: Yeah, sure, for SuicideGirls
- Worst Weather: cold, bitter rain & wind.

X
- X-Rays: my teeth

Y
-Year it is now: 2009
-Yellow: BUMBLEBEEEEEEEE

Z
- Zoo animal: Captive =(

WOAH.

We have drama here!

Also, anyone looking to move? Like Maryland area? We want to get out of VA, but can't afford to live on our own in Maryland.

Read this long ass survey I filled out!
( Cut cause it's long as fuck! )

the flowers are faded now,
along with your letters
they will never
see the light of day
cause I'll never take them out

and there's no turning back
it's for the better
baby, I deserve more than empty words
and promises

I believed everything you said
and I gave you the best I had

so take a bow
cause you've taken everything else
you played the part
and like a star you played it so well
take a bow
cause the scene is coming to an end
I gave you love
all you gave me was pretend
so now
take a bow

the future's about to change
before you know it
the curtain closes
take a look around
there's no one in the crowd
I'm throwing away the pain
and you should know that
your performance
made me stronger now

so take a bow
cause you've taken everything else
you played the part
and like a star you played it so well
take a bow
cause the scene is coming to an end
I gave you love
all you gave me was pretend
so now
take a bow

well it must have been slight of hand
cause I still can't understand
why I could never see just what a fool believes
but the lies, they start to show
tell me how it feels to know right now
that I won't be around
so, baby, before I put you out, take a bow...

Hang on, lemme get some music playing. ANGRY MUSIC.

Disclaimer: this is going to be bitter. If you're easily offended, bite the fuck out of me, what are you doing on my personal blog anyway. I admit I am a vindictive bitch about some things, but if you'd ever worked retail, you would understand. Otherwise, well... why are you still reading? I apologize for nothing. At work, I at least pretend to be nice.

Also, I say fuck a lot.


1. My boss. I will need another blog to ellaborate on this, so let's just settle with "my boss is a bitch and I hate her guts".
2. People who want their meat shaved, but that's not what they say. Exchanges usually go like this: 
--me:  "How would you like your meat sliced?"
--them:  "Thin."
--me:  (showing them the meat at 1.5, our normal "thin" setting) "Like this?"
--them:  "A little thinner."
--me:  (same, at 1 setting) "Is this okay?"
--them: "Just a little thinner."
--me:  (the next setting, .5, is the shaved setting) "Did you want it shaved?"
--them:  "Yes."
If you want the meat shaved, just say so god dammit! Also, don't wait until the last possible moment to say that you want it shaved. And don't say you want it thin shaved, or shaved thin, say either thin or shaved. Shaved is a very specific cut, thin is not. If you like your meat to be a fluffy mess, get your meat shaved. If you like full slices, get it thin. Don't wait until after we've sliced a piece and shown it to you to be like, "Oh, I wanted that shaved, I'm sorry." You're sorry? Of course you are--but it's me who has to work my butt off to shave a pound of rare roast beef.
3. People who leave. What, the fuck. Since when was it okay to rattle off your grocery list to a deli employee, then go and do the rest of your shopping? We are not machines. We have faulty human memories. Not to mention that by you walking away, that means we can't show you slices for your approval, or offer you other options if we're out of the item you requested. It is our job to be courteous and helpful to you, to interact with you throughout the order, but if you say "I need a pound of turkey and a pound of ham. I'll be right back." and walk off, leaving us standing confused in your dust, how the hell are we supposed to give you a good deli experience? Also, lists. Oh, wait, I'll put that in another number.
4. Lists. You are so important and your order is just that special that you need to write it down and give it to us so we can work on it while you're doing the rest of your shopping. Same as above, only this is even more rude. Sure, it helps us remember what you want, so it's better for you, but have you ever considered what it looks like to other customers when the only employee at the counter is busy working with an "invisible" customer's order, when they are standing there waiting? If you're going to be taking up both my time and other people's time, the very least you could do is stand there and wait for your goddamn order. Nine times out of ten, people who leave their orders with us to "return for them later" forget about it and we have to throw it away.
5. Cell phones. Pet peeve of mine, and many a retail employee. When a customer is on their cell phone, they are being rude not just to us, but to every other person in the entire store. Folks on cell phones are often yelling (why, this is beyond me), and not paying attention. I once waited a full five minutes for a customer to answer to "Do you want a roll?" because she was on her phone, not paying attention. If we push for their attention, many customers often get offended or angry because we're "interrupting". Any idea how often we are interrupted every day? The phone call can wait. I have better things to do. Working a deli is more complicated than just standing at the counter, waiting on you. Do us all a favor and wait until you're at home to talk on the phone.
6. "Is anyone working here?" Seriously, if you ask this question, you deserve anything you get. This question is usually asked to someone who is currently working. Another variant I've been asked is "Are you ready to do some work?", asked after I had to stop scrubbing the floor to wash my hands, dry them and put on gloves for the customer. I'm sorry, scrubbing the floor is my hobby and I know I should do it at home but I just can't help myself sometimes. I just want to beat the insolence out of some folks.
7. Customers waiting at the wrong counter. My deli has two meat slicers and one cheese slicer, so the max comfortable amount of people we can have over there is two. We have the deli counter, chef shop and the hot bar. For the example, I will say there are two customers and two employees working at the deli counter, and one customer comes up and waits at the chef shop, staring (you know what I mean) at a third employee, who is temping fried chicken. Third employee sees this customer and assumes they want something from the chef shop, so asks to help but NO----they want a pound of ham. Now, third employee is obligated to help that person, even though the meat slicers are already busy.
8. Customers who ask for the prices of things, when the prices are on the other side of the counter. We don't keep a price list on our side because the prices change so often--this may be different at other stores. However, we do keep updated tags for pretty much everything on the customer side because we're required to show the prices of products we carry. Still, STILL, people ask us for the prices. So we have to find the number, type it in the computer, put a weight on the scale and print a sticker to see how much something costs. Customers, please be observant.
9. "8 or 9 slices..." No. No. What do you want? Do you want eight slices, or nine slices? There is no in-between. I will not make your decisions for you. CHOOSE GOD DAMN IT.
10. People telling me how to do my job. I have been working in food-retail for almost seven years. I KNOW what I am doing.
11. Telling me to layer things that obviously need layering, like cheese or liverwurst. I layer it. I am not a dumbass.
12. People who want really thin cheese or liverwurst. What the hell, how are you peeling this off of the paper when you get home?
13. Customers who want to look at and/or touch the product. No, you cannot touch the product! Don't get offended when I say this but PEOPLE ARE DIRTY! That's just gross. What... I mean... MY GOD I would never shop someplace that let people touch the food. Just ew.
14. Sampling everything, buying nothing. This is not a buffet. And the olive bar, that is not your personal plate. Don't stick your filthy fingers in there and eat an olive.
15. Folks who complain to me about things I have no control over. Like the prices. Yeah, Boar's Head is really ten bucks a pound. No, I can't discount the old food from the hotbar, I have to throw it away. Sad? Don't bitch to me about sad, I didn't see you in here buying it when it was still good.
16. People who ruin it for everyone. Example: you have to be a real dumbass to cut yourself on our slicers. They are dumb-proof. They shut off when you close them, and you have to have them closed in order to open the pusher to clean it. You can not cut yourself on the blade when it's closed because there's just no way! NO WAY. You have to TRY to cut yourself on it. Honestly. HONESTLY. Someone cut themselves on our slicer and now we all have to wear those retarded god damn mother fucking mesh gloves.
17. Customers who interrupt me. It's just extremely irritating.
18. People who are bitchy when I'm just doing my job. For instance, customers who get impatient and huffy because in order to help them, I have to wash my hands, dry them and get gloves first.
19. Vague instructions or orders. "I'd like between a half and three-quarters of a pound of turkey sliced for sandwiches", nice as it may sound,  is a bad order. We have different brands, and about 20 different kinds of turkey just in Boar's Head. By "between half and three-quarters", do you mean two-thirds (.66)? Do you want your sandwich slices thin, medium, thick? Say what you mean and I won't have to ask a billion questions.
20. Customers in the wrong department. Deli does not sell raw meat at all ever (meat), nor do we slice bread (bakery), and no I can't tell you the price on those lemons (produce) and no I don't know where the person in Customer Service went (front end)!

That's all for today, kids.

Chef John plays Magic. Yaaaay. Only he plays good, and kicks our butts. =(

My decks are so pathetically behind the times it isn't even funny! I don't have the money to get back into it like the old days. If only I could find someone who knew how to play Dragondice! AGGGUHJFhdlfkjgsdk I don't even remember how to play lol

Also, I recently discovered that they do play games like Zombies at Jaques.

At our weekly gamenight, we've been playing Pictionary. OMG that game is so much more awesome than I thought it would be. We need more people to play with! Tried to play Dark Tower with them, but Charlie got frustrated. =\

Need more geeky friends.


George wants to get back into Warhammer (miniature game), and it looks awesome, and I want to play too. But we will definitely have to be RICH before trying that.

Getting rid of my toys. Most of them, anyway. Legos, Lincoln Logs, et cetera, are all going. I'll probably try to give them away to family first, but after that, who knows. I just don't see the point in keeping them if they're just gonna sit in the trunk/under the bed, when they could be entertaining some child.

Thinking about getting a Twitter, anyone on there? Anyone on Facebook? I am much, much more active on Facebook.

I've lost touch with some important people. It bothers me sometimes. Especially early in the morning, when I'm alone in the cash office at Staples, and it's all quiet... and all I can do is think while I'm counting cash...

It's just so damn quiet all the time. I never wanted it to be this quiet.

And the other, well... I miss him a lot. Though with the direction our relationship was headed, it's probably for the best that we stay at this tentative stretch. I've known him too long for it to be normal.

Hmm, this post got accidentally serious. Sorry about that.

Oh man, I can't believe that you did what they said you did
And to this day I've still gotta say that in my mind I question it
I wish
I knew
What you had meant before you went and left me wondering
To just an echo of your voice

listen

Now I wait to take my turn to bleed
Like a kid playing with a razor blade
And wonder if I have the balls or am I gonna be afraid
Where are you?
'Cause I'm not sure when
Knocking at death's door if I will be welcomed in
Or be left alone outside

I hear the sound of a heart from the shadow in the dark
Waiting for the poison to hit its mark

listen, my son

I see the darkness surround the shape on the ground
The killer straight-up and a body face-down

first born, last one

I hear the din of the screams, sorrow in streams
The smell of farewell and gasoline

listen, my son

I see a heart set free and my legacy
Hear a voice from a shadow that is beckoning me

first born, last one

I guess there comes a point, when you think to yourself
"This isn't worth it..."
It isn't worth it
And now I feel what you felt
And now I feel what you felt inside, brother
And now I feel what you felt
This isn't worth it
It isn't worth it

I wish it didn't, I wish it didn't, I wish it didn't, I wish it didn't end this way

Live a life in hell through a mortal shell
Asphyxiating smell for a crime lifetime
Imagination locked in a cell
And to the other first born,
I see the same scene that must play over in your mind
And now how much more I'm sure it's fucked up with your head
Just like it's fucked up mine
"Listen, my son, first born, last one"
The message you sent out to me
I can not change what's meant to be

What am I supposed to do now?

You are the last one, first born.

I made one. Watch, syndicate, feed, whatever!

yiff_the_cook 

Oh, my love, my darling, I've hungered for your touch a long, lonely time. Time goes by so slowly, and time can do so much. Are you still mine? I need you love... I... I need your love. God-speed your love to me.

Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea. I'll be coming home... wait for me.
Lonely rivers sigh, "wait for me, wait for me." I'll be coming home, wait for me!

I had a dream the other night that freaked me out, seriously, all day. And before anyone says it's because of all those horror movies I watch, let me tell you that I haven't seen a horror movie in... uh... like a year. Possibly more. I don't remember the last horror movie I watched and now that I think about it... it's kind of sad. =(

Anyway, the dream. Usually I don't talk about my dreams, and usually I don't remember them well enough to really talk about them, but this one was just... wow.

So, the dream started off very normal. Someone (I think it was Mom) bought me a car, and that's understandable since I've been thinking a lot about learning how to drive so I can get a car in real life. The car looked something like this: http://www.lincah.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/2009-ford-fiesta-econetic-front-side.jpeg

With four doors. I don't remember what color it was. I remember that the back seats were leather, but the front seats were not, and I made a joke that whoever sat in the back would have to deal with the hot seats in the summertime. Sooo... um. Right, so I got this car, and everything was normal... we did normal things. We even hung out with our friend Charlie and his girlfriend, Shelly. On the ride home, George was driving (even though irl I have sworn to never let him drive my car). The roads were slick with rain and he was making some perilous turns, because when we were in the car with Charlie, Charlie was telling George to "gun it" on the turns. My car hugged the corners then, but in the rain, it was slick and we came close to going over the edge...

...then the scene changed. I was driving, alone, through grass. It was completely dark outside--no stars, no lights, nothing but the headlights. It was still raining. I drive for awhile before I realize I am completely lost. There's a kind of dirt path I'd been driving on, but no signs or real roads anywhere nearby. I stop the car (maybe I'm low on gas? I dunno), get out and start walking down the path, hoping I'd come across something or someone to help.

Some time passes, and I kind of decide to go back, only when I turn around, it's so dark that I can just barely see the outline of the path I'd been walking, going up and around a hill. I can hear a humming noise, and soon I can almost see a motorcycle driving closer on the path. Their light is off, but flashes on every once in awhile, dim and yellow. I move off the path and they zoom by, followed by one other rider (though in the dream, it seems like the same rider).

In the dream, I'm starting to feel creepy. Kind of like when your body knows you should be running away, but you push yourself forward anyway. I keep going down the hill in the dark. I see this cabin with a big front porch all lit up in the distance and make my way to it. As I get nearer, I start hearing hissing/spitting noises, but in the dark I can't see what it is. The noise gets closer as I near the house, and I pass whatever it is on my left. The noise continues during my time at the house, but it's just an outside noise, like bugs buzzing, and I never find out what it is.

I enter the house through a side enterance. There are no doors inside or out on the house, so I just kind of walk in. There's a little room on the side that I'm standing in, where a tall, dirty guy (think: House of 10,000 Corpses) is standing, watching a grainy, old TV. He is so completely motionless that I think my brain didn't want to animate him until later. In the dream, I walk right past him and through a doorway into the main room of the cabin. In this room, there's a counter (like for a hotel) with a large touch-screen panel on it, and an old rusty-red two-door car. There are three people inside the car; two in the backseat, asleep, and one in the passenger's seat, with his head on the dashboard. I think he is asleep, but then I see him watching me through slit eyes. The entire house is filthy, dusty, and no one looks like they've had a bath in awhile.

Like I know what I'm doing, I move over to the touch-panel screen on the countertop. This part of the dream isn't very clear, but I remember that I fooled around with it for awhile before deciding that it's a little off/creepy. There was a man on the screen, older (later they call him the "old man"), but I don't remember what he said or did. He reminded me of an evangelist, kinda like the guy from Poltergeist (especially 2).

While I'm using the touch screen, I hear that hissing noise outside and I lean back out the front door, trying to see if I can tell what's making the noise. I don't see the source, but what I do see is even creepier: an adult-sized baby, nude, and all dirty like everything else. It's standing out in the grass, swaying back and forth, with beady little black eyes watching me. There's nothing really strange about it besides the fact that it's probably about 6' tall, but it creeps me the fuck out. In the dream, I don't say/do anything about it.

To continue: Once I finish with the touch-screen, the guy in the other room comes to life and comes in the room. I tell him of my plight, but in the back of my mind I'm thinking this is probably not a good idea... but I don't know where my car is anymore! I suck it up and ask him if he can drive me somewhere that has a phone I can use. He agrees to drive me "into town".

He gets into the car, and I open the door to get into the backseat. It's a two-door, but somehow I manage to get in. In the back seat, there's a skinny guy and a girl who's probably about 19. As he scoots into the middle, he makes a complaint about how there's only two and he doesn't want to get eaten. In the dream, I guess I think he's crazy or something, and I squeeze into the car. There's no seatbelt, but there is one of the seatbelt things in the seat that old cars had, that are hard and stick up. It's poking me in the hip/butt.

We drive for a long time, still in the strange and complete darkness broken only by our headlights. Eventually I feel that something is sticking me... feels like it's coming from the seatbelt thing. I shift my weight away from it. The guy who is sitting next to me is getting a little nervous, and I see the other girl is fidgeting too, like she's being poked, too. I move around some more, but there's not much room, and I find something in the seat behind me. Pulling it out, I see that it's a remote control for my car (lol). Even in the dream, I was like "Really. A remote for my car. Really." But I pressed the "alarm" button on it, and saw that it was being towed off the side of the road by a towtruck that didn't have any lights on! I turn around and go "That's my car!" but at this point I'm realizing they weren't going to really help me in the first place.

About this time, I start getting stuck more with the seatbelt, and it's starting to really hurt, but I can't move to see what's going on. The guy next to me is hysterical, and again he screams to the driver "THERE ARE TWO! I DON'T WANT TO GET EATEN!"... at which point I'm like "EATEN?!"

------------anyway I woke up shortly after that, thank you alarm clock. It might not sound too creepy to you on here, but the dream... it scared me so badly that even when I was in the shower that morning, I kept "hearing" things and I had to keep looking outside the curtian to make sure I was alone. And all day I kept thinking about it, getting creeped out...

WHAAAAAAAAT

butt scratcher